Parenting coordination is a quasi-legal intervention aimed at helping parents going through a high-conflict divorce to stick to the terms of the parenting plan. It is also known as parenting facilitation in some parts of the country.
We all know that divorce can be hard. The end of a relationship can trigger a wide range of painful feelings such as anger, grief and abandonment. The most important task we have as divorcing parents is to make sure that our children do not become victims of the anger we have towards our ex-partner. When this is not possible, it may be necessary for a neutral third-party, often by order of the court, to get involved and provide direction.
During the divorce process and afterward the finalisation, the court may decide to appoint a parenting coordinator if the parents are not able to cooperate with each other to parent their children effectively. A parenting coordinator can be an attorney, social worker, psychologist, or other professional as the court sees fit. Many parenting coordinators have undergone specific training in order to understand the nature of the role and its benefits and limits.
The goals of parenting coordination.
● Avoid the excessive costs of ongoing litigation
● Resolve conflicts between the parents speedily
● Model conflict resolution skills for the parents
● Increase cooperation between the parents with regard to parenting their children
● Limit disruption on the day-to-day lives of the children involved
What to expect from parent coordination
If you have been allocated a parenting coordinator during or after the divorce proceedings, here is some idea of what to expect from the process.
The parenting coordinator will usually meet with both parents separately to explain their role and scope of authority. They will listen to your account of the problems you are facing in order to fully understand the situation from all sides. You will need to sign a contract stating that you understand the terms and that you are bound by court order to comply with the directives of the parenting coordinator. Costs are usually split 50-50 between each parent.
When a dispute arises between you and your co-parent, the parenting coordinator will investigate by gathering relevant information and by asking questions. This could mean that they contact other professionals involved, for example, the child’s play therapist, school or doctor. Once they have come to a decision they will inform all parties in writing ( this is called a directive). For example, let’s say that you and your co-parent are struggling to agree on which school to send your child to (and this is not adequately addressed in the parenting plan). The parenting coordinator will take into account all the factors involved – the child’s educational needs, the parents preferences, the child’s own wishes – and advise on what would be the best course of action. In this way, a decision is made swiftly by a neutral party in the best interests of the child. Hopefully, litigation is avoided and disruption to the child is minimised.
The parenting coordinator is not a therapist, and does not provide counselling or legal advice to the parents or children. They can, however, refer the adults or children to other professionals for supplemental intervention.
The parenting coordinator is obligated to always act in the best interests of the child. They can sometimes make minor changes to the court order or parenting plan, but cannot change the principle of the order. In most cases, the parenting coordinator is appointed for a term of 2 years. This can be renewed by the court after the two years is up, depending on circumstances.
How to make contact with a parenting coordinator?
Please feel free to give me a call if you have been advised by the court or your attorneys that you need a parenting coordinator.